Thursday, December 6, 2012

First Reactions

I am not sure how to feel. On one hand I am curious, and the other I am angry, not of my mother but of the system that is put in place to find my father, and how they believe who I am. The system calls me a donor-conceived child/offspring. I am a donor baby, but that is not who I am. I am a child, my name is Kathryn, who is just looking for herself in the big world. I am just like everyone else. I don’t ask for money, I just seek to know what I have of my moms and what I have from of my other half. Being degraded to donor-conceived is worse then not knowing whom your father is. I just a vile of frozen sperm to the government. What rights do I have? Because of the anonymous donor contract I do not have the right to know who helped create me. I understand that it wasn’t the attention to, but they didn’t take into consideration what would happen when we all grew up. The unintended consequences are being studied and looked at in courts, but that doesn’t help the grown ups who live with this consequence daily. There are cases where “donor-conceived” people are connecting with newly found sibling and eventually their biological fathers.

Being known as the girl who doesn’t have a father doesn’t bug me. It’s just a fact that I do not have one. I do miss out on things others take for granted, but that doesn’t faze me from my day-to-day life. I am only curious to see where I came from. Seeing the similarities from someone other than my mom. I could never say I got my eyes from my mom and my hair from my dad. I no the obvious eyes from my Asian mother, but everything else could be from my mom and then again could be from my biological father. Ever time I say I got something from my mom there is a un-serenity that it could also be from the other half of me. There is just no way to tell right now.

Researching donor children, I am finding that I am certainly not alone on feeling this way. There are too many testimonies of the same feelings and thoughts that I am having. Some are angry, in the choice that they did not make. Others are being curious and just searching for their donor father. Then there are a few that were like me just last week. Not caring, not even looking to find the other half of them. They believe they understand when someone doesn’t have a parent there, but at the same time no one understands them. Its hard to find one if any in the same situation.  It doesn’t feel negative, there is just an unexplained piece that doesn’t fit quite right yet. In searching and hopefully finding my other half, I will be able to fit that piece in.

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